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Sausage Life!

The column that puts its brolly up even though it isn’t raining READER: I see Boris is finally getting his point across at : In what way exactly is the PM finally getting his point across? And please stop calling…
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Sausage Life!

The column which reserves the right to record your calls for training porpoises READER: Whoops! Bit of a typo there!MYSELF: What do you mean?READER: Up there, under your name. Porpoises. I think you meant purposesMYSELF:  Not at all. On top…
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Sausage Life

The column that self inflates, but is difficult to get back in the bag MYSELF: What are you doing up there?READER: I’m conducting an :  Well seeing as you’re on top of a stepladder, would you mind removing that cobweb…
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Sausage Life!

The column that believes in the right to wear a hat, even when it is unnecessary WARRIOR’S WOESNewly relegated Hastings & St Leonards Warriors were beaten 8-0 away by Cockmarlin Thunderbolts last Saturday, their fifth 8-0 defeat in five games.…
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Sausage Life!

The column that thinks there’s nothing beats a good cigar after a bit of arson MYSELF: How do you feel about the EU, now that we’re in the middle of a constitutional crisis?READER: What constitutional crisis? Is there a constitutional…
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Sausage Life

The column that suspects there may not necessarily be a German word for everything (Möglicherweisegibtesnicht füralleseindeutscheswort) AHEM“Haverstock House was a splendid, regal, crumbling Elizabethan pile. Although her intimidating towers stood loyally to attention, like twin beacons guarding a lost, promised…
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Sausage Life!

The column which puts the bubble in your squeak and then bursts it. MYSELF: I assume you applied your Keith Richards mascara, clipped a parrot on your shoulder and walked the alcoholic plank last Sunday, utterly convinced you were the…
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Sausage Life

The column that went to Glastonbury in a brand-new Mercedes with a four storey air-conditioned yurt READER: So, you’re back from Glastonbury. How was it?MYSELF: Underwhelming. So much miming. Can’t people play anymore?READER: Miming?MYSELF: Yes, and I’m not talking about…
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