Satire

Sausage Life

The column which believes that hugs and squeezes spread diseases MYSELF: A-tishooo!READER: Stay where you are! I’m a police officer! Just put the gun down and hold your hands out where I can see them!MYSELF:  Aren’t you overreacting? I only…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column in which terms apply, but not : What’s up? You look as though you’ve swallowed a : I’ve been listening to commercial radio. I’m going to track down and throttle the next actor I hear talking like they’ve…
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Features

Sausage Life!

The column which beats as it sweeps as it cleans GLOBAL WARNING?The continent of Australia, already devastated by unprecedented bush fires, is now apparently on the brink of running out of question marks. Our antipodean correspondent Kylie O’Reilly spoke to…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which mumbles incoherently in order to get away with murder. READER: I know we agreed never to discuss religious matters on here…MYSELF: Or : …but as a recovering Catholic, do you approve of women bishops?MYSELF: No, I am…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which throws stones even though it lives in a glass house READER: Happy New Year!MYSELF:  For whom?READER: What’s up now, Dr. Doom?MYSELF:  Er…the election result?READER: Oh the election! I’d quite forgotten about that! Anyway, have you seen Cats…
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Sausage Life

The column which believes that marzipan is from Mars and vermicelli is from Venus  MYSELF: Blimey, have you seen the pier lately? It’s turning into a : Are you referring to the newly installed log cabins?MYSELF: No, the ones I…
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Sausage Life!

The column that puts its brolly up even though it isn’t raining READER: I see Boris is finally getting his point across at : In what way exactly is the PM finally getting his point across? And please stop calling…
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Features

Sausage Life!

The column which reserves the right to record your calls for training porpoises READER: Whoops! Bit of a typo there!MYSELF: What do you mean?READER: Up there, under your name. Porpoises. I think you meant purposesMYSELF:  Not at all. On top…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column that self inflates, but is difficult to get back in the bag MYSELF: What are you doing up there?READER: I’m conducting an :  Well seeing as you’re on top of a stepladder, would you mind removing that cobweb…
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