Features

Sausage Life

BY Bird Guano The column which wanders lonely as a cloud, but never seems to come across any daffodils. READER:  have you seen the new zoo? MYSELF:  Zoo? READER:  Yes. On the pier. MYSELF:  Have you taken leave of your…
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Features

Sausage life

The column which uses a periscope even when it isn’t underwater READER: Why the long face? MYSELF:  I’m getting into character. READER: Gosh, that sounds interesting, what for? MYSELF:  I’m rehearsing for a part in the Meatfield Repertory Company’s production…
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Satire

Sausage Life

The column which thinks taxidermy is the new tattooing READER: I’m having a tattoo, as it happens MYSELF: Where? READER: Where else? At SailorBware, the coolest tattoo parlour in town. MYSELF: No, I meant where on your body? READER: Oh,…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which thinks that tired, worn-out cliché is the elephant in the room READER: Football’s coming home! And on top of a glorious heatwave to boot! MYSELF:  I assume you’re referring to plucky little England’s first ever penalty shoot-out…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which thinks that a cambio is as good as a siesta READER: You know what’s missing from this column, don’t you? MYSELF: A crossword? READER: Wow! How did you know I was going to say that? MYSELF: Oddly…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column firmly aimed at the louche, disaffected bon viveur and the properly bearded man-about-town READER:  The Royal Wedding! Did you see it? MYSELF:  See it? I was there mate. READER:  No! Really? MYSELF:  If you were watching it on…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which looks a bit like Johnny Depp when the light hits it in a certain way READER: What did you make of this year’s Jack in the Green? MYSELF:  Hastings’ very own Day of the Triffids? I’m not…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which, although it disapproves of what you say, defends to the death its right to punch you in the face. READER: I really can’t believe this Brexit thing is dragging on like this. I mean the people have…
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Satire

Sausage Life

The column that ties its own shoelaces together, then tries to run away. MYSELF: Remember when UK advertising was envied and admired around the world for its innovation, dash, and quirky British humour? READER: Ah, the golden years. Gold Blend,…
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