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Sausage Life!

The column that believes in the right to wear a hat, even when it is unnecessary WARRIOR’S WOESNewly relegated Hastings & St Leonards Warriors were beaten 8-0 away by Cockmarlin Thunderbolts last Saturday, their fifth 8-0 defeat in five games.…
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Sausage Life!

The column that thinks there’s nothing beats a good cigar after a bit of arson MYSELF: How do you feel about the EU, now that we’re in the middle of a constitutional crisis?READER: What constitutional crisis? Is there a constitutional…
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Sausage Life

The column that suspects there may not necessarily be a German word for everything (Möglicherweisegibtesnicht füralleseindeutscheswort) AHEM“Haverstock House was a splendid, regal, crumbling Elizabethan pile. Although her intimidating towers stood loyally to attention, like twin beacons guarding a lost, promised…
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Sausage Life!

The column which puts the bubble in your squeak and then bursts it. MYSELF: I assume you applied your Keith Richards mascara, clipped a parrot on your shoulder and walked the alcoholic plank last Sunday, utterly convinced you were the…
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Sausage Life

The column that went to Glastonbury in a brand-new Mercedes with a four storey air-conditioned yurt READER: So, you’re back from Glastonbury. How was it?MYSELF: Underwhelming. So much miming. Can’t people play anymore?READER: Miming?MYSELF: Yes, and I’m not talking about…
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Sausage Life

The column which thinks that averting the eyes is the new staring BRAINWAVEFollowing his innovative scheme for replacing the seeds in raspberry jam with shredded bus tickets, Hastings inventor Gordon Thinktank’s ingenious new idea is to line overcoats with bear…
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Sausage Life

The column which thinks that buffoonery is the last refuge of the failed dictator READER: Did you see the Eurovision Song Contest? We came last!MYSELF: No. I was busy watching some drying paint. READER:  You don’t approve, I take : As…
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Sausage Life

The column which says you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose READER: You should be : About what?READER: Issue 125. Picking on Nigel Farage : You mean the bit…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which believes that in the country of the bland, the one-idea’d man is king READER: Did you see the amazing photo of the black hole?MYSELF:  I saw it. A very good : Oh come on, don’t pretend you’re…
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