Author Archives: Bird Guano - Page 2
Sausage Life
BY Bird Guano The column which wanders lonely as a cloud, but never seems to come across any daffodils. READER: have you seen the new zoo? MYSELF: Zoo? READER: Yes.…
Sausage life
The column which uses a periscope even when it isn’t underwater READER: Why the long face? MYSELF: I’m getting into character. READER: Gosh, that sounds interesting, what for? MYSELF: I’m…
Sausage Life
The column which thinks taxidermy is the new tattooing READER: I’m having a tattoo, as it happens MYSELF: Where? READER: Where else? At SailorBware, the coolest tattoo parlour in town.…
Sausage Life
The column which thinks that tired, worn-out cliché is the elephant in the room READER: Football’s coming home! And on top of a glorious heatwave to boot! MYSELF: I assume…
Sausage Life
The column which thinks that a cambio is as good as a siesta READER: You know what’s missing from this column, don’t you? MYSELF: A crossword? READER: Wow! How did…
Sausage Life
The column firmly aimed at the louche, disaffected bon viveur and the properly bearded man-about-town READER: The Royal Wedding! Did you see it? MYSELF: See it? I was there mate.…
Sausage Life
The column which looks a bit like Johnny Depp when the light hits it in a certain way READER: What did you make of this year’s Jack in the Green?…
Sausage Life
The column that doesn’t know anything about bigotry, but knows what it doesn’t like READER: Did you have a bet on the name of the Royal baby? MYSELF: I had…
Sausage Life
The column which, although it disapproves of what you say, defends to the death its right to punch you in the face. READER: I really can’t believe this Brexit thing…
Sausage Life
The column that ties its own shoelaces together, then tries to run away. MYSELF: Remember when UK advertising was envied and admired around the world for its innovation, dash, and…
Sausage Life
by Bird Guano The column that doesn't shrink when you put it in the tumble dryer. MYSELF: Why the long face? READER: I’m not happy with all this Brexit mullarkey.…