Archives for Satire - Page 4
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
POSH & BREX We recently attended a meeting of the Eurosceptic Institute for Mumbo Jumbo, Baloney & Contemptible Bunkum, where we asked chief mannikin Jacob Rees-Mogg, what possible reason there…
Sausage Life!
The column that maintains that any resemblance between it and real life is purely coincidental READER: Isn’t it great that the new Doctor Who is a woman? MYSELF: Yes, in…
Politikal Pokes
Opinionated jabs for the pointy-fingered By Lobbytroll PEER PRESSURE On our letters page you can read, if you have the time, a long impassioned plea to “talk up the pier”…
Sausage Life!
By Bird Guano The column which frequently looks at gift horses, but not necessarily in the mouth MYSELF: Have you ever had PPI? READER: As a matter of fact I…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
FARAGE BALLOON Speaking for those he promised to represent by regularly attending the European Parliament, Nigel Farage, privately educated banker, absentee UkIP MEP for South East England and mouthpiece of…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
MONEY DON’T TALK IT SCREAMS The family run enterprise of Saudi Arabia, super-wealthy patron of unscrupulous and sociopathic arms dealers, worldwide exporter of black gold and Wahhabi terrorism, has finally…
Sausage Life!
The column whose terms apply but not its conditions MYSELF: My first is in peanuts but not in custard… READER: Oh I love these brain teasers. MYSELF: I know. My…
Sausage Life!
BY Bird Guano The column which leaps before it looks READER: I suppose, like the rest of us, you’ve been glued to Killing Eve. Who did you think did the….…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
DEAD IN THE WATER So the £500,000 proposal by Hastings Harbour Quarter (HHQ) to construct, right in the heart of Hastings’ fishing quarter, a luxury marina for 600 boats, a…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
TRUFFLES AT MILL A warning to any talk radio broadcaster foolish enough to suggest that deliberately misleading misinformation was the driving force behind the “will o’ the people” Brexit vote;…
Sausage Life
BY Bird Guano The column which makes its bed but often forgets to lie in it ROGUE STARLING IN SHARK ATTACK READER: That’s a ridiculous headline. Where are you going…
Sausage life
The column which believes that life is a journey, but often the services have unsatisfactory toilet facilities READER: What about Theresa then? MYSELF: What about her? READER: What else? The…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
LET THE HARD BREX BEGIN Like the perpetual threat of a shower, PM Theresa May appears to be always on the verge of bursting into tears, even during our delightful…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
Open Letter Dear Hastings Borough Council. Do you think there might be the flimsiest chance you could do something about the 16 bars of tinny, inept, patronizing, ghastly, amateurish “music”,…
Sausage Life
BY Bird Guano The column which wanders lonely as a cloud, but never seems to come across any daffodils. READER: have you seen the new zoo? MYSELF: Zoo? READER: Yes.…
Sausage life
The column which uses a periscope even when it isn’t underwater READER: Why the long face? MYSELF: I’m getting into character. READER: Gosh, that sounds interesting, what for? MYSELF: I’m…
Sausage Life
The column which thinks taxidermy is the new tattooing READER: I’m having a tattoo, as it happens MYSELF: Where? READER: Where else? At SailorBware, the coolest tattoo parlour in town.…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE Perhaps one should blame the current trend for acceptable obfuscation and bare-faced mendacity in politics for the Lewis Carroll situation we find ourselves in in Hastings?…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
THE UNDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION Mrs. May has ordered that members of the cabinet remain locked in the headmistress’s office at Chequers until a ‘solution’ to the insoluble question of the Dog’s…
Sausage Life
The column which thinks that tired, worn-out cliché is the elephant in the room READER: Football’s coming home! And on top of a glorious heatwave to boot! MYSELF: I assume…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
PAINTING THE TOWN GOLD According to Adam Stephens and Finbarr O’Connell, of Heritage Lottery Fund-appointed administrators Smith & Williamson LLP: “After careful assessment of all offers received for the pier,…
Sausage life!
The column that won’t shoot until it sees the whites of your eggs READER: I see there were riots at the Poundland closing-down sale. MYSELF: I’m not surprised. There was…
Sausage Life
The column which thinks that a cambio is as good as a siesta READER: You know what’s missing from this column, don’t you? MYSELF: A crossword? READER: Wow! How did…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
SEA CHANGE – AS GOOD AS A REST? Empty office buildings in Havelock Rd, ‘business parks’ that decimate areas of outstanding natural beauty whilst remaining unfinished and deserted, and the…
Sausage Life
The column firmly aimed at the louche, disaffected bon viveur and the properly bearded man-about-town READER: The Royal Wedding! Did you see it? MYSELF: See it? I was there mate.…
Sausage Life
The column which looks a bit like Johnny Depp when the light hits it in a certain way READER: What did you make of this year’s Jack in the Green?…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
GRAMMATICA FANATICUS At a time of national educational crises, when under-maintained schools are finding it increasingly difficult to recruit dedicated teaching staff, the government has decided to invest £50 million…
Sausage Life
The column that doesn’t know anything about bigotry, but knows what it doesn’t like READER: Did you have a bet on the name of the Royal baby? MYSELF: I had…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED RICH Lobbytroll’s already limited capacity for tolerating precocious children was seriously breached recently when the BBC broadcast a 1982 archive recording of a 12-year-old child bragging…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
WHAT A BOMBER The Tony Blair historical dustbin beckons for Theresa May. Couldn’t the bombing decision have been postponed until parliament reconvened? Or does political expediency trump democracy (no pun…
Sausage Life
Bird Guano The column which cuts off its nose to spite its face and then complains that it can’t smell the coffee READER: 100 issues! Amazing. Did you get a…
Sausage Life
The column which, although it disapproves of what you say, defends to the death its right to punch you in the face. READER: I really can’t believe this Brexit thing…
Politikal Pokes by Lobbytroll
GOTCHA! Theresa May’s Falklands moment has arrived at last. Just when you thought her Belgrano-like silhouette was slipping below the political waterline, the mafia state of Russia has come to…
Sausage Life
The column that ties its own shoelaces together, then tries to run away. MYSELF: Remember when UK advertising was envied and admired around the world for its innovation, dash, and…
Diary of a Somebody
compiled by Patrick Carabine An occasional series in which we randomly browse the recollections of an anonymous diarist. DECEMBER/JANUARY SATURDAY 24TH DEC I can’t say I’ll be sad to see…
Sausage Life
The column which always leaves the bathroom where it would wish to have found it MYSELF: Judging by recent photographs, our MP is looking a bit worse for wear lately.…
DIARY OF A SOMEBODY
An occasional series in which we randomly browse the recollections of an anonymous diarist DECEMBER FRIDAY 2nd Tarquin, my eldest, telephones to say he is arriving from London tomorrow. Slight…
Diary Of A Somebody
Compiled by Patrick Carabine An occasional series in which we randomly browse the recollections of an anonymous diarist. NOVEMBER MONDAY 14th I have decided to write a novel, and start…
Sausage Life
by Bird Guano The column that doesn't shrink when you put it in the tumble dryer. MYSELF: Why the long face? READER: I’m not happy with all this Brexit mullarkey.…