Archives for Satire - Page 2
Sausage Life
Bird Guano The column which believes there is only a fine line between mumbo and jumbo READER: I can’t take much more of thisMYSELF: More of what? The heat? The…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
STAND TO ATTENTION WHILE YOU’RE DROWNING! Hard-nosed no-nonsense give ‘em a taste of their own medicine Home Secretary Priti Patel is getting tough with migrants. She’s sending in the navy.…
Sausage life
The column which thinks that Kanye West is to music what Donald Trump is to truth MYSELF: Don’t you find it immensely depressing that we are surrounded by people staring…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
WHO’S THE FAIREST? I think Batty Boris has one of those mirrors similar to the one employed by the wicked queen in Snow White. As he stares into it like…
Sausage Life
Bird Guano The column which believes that reshuffling a sack of rattlesnakes makes little difference to your chances of being bitten. MYSELF: Did you see that big Chinook military helicopter…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
GAMBLING’S BACK The betting industry’s radio commercials are already bark-ing like jackals, heralding “the return of sport”. Sport? Ha! The return of licensed pickpocketing more like. Football is back of…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
UNION JACKOFF Now that Nigel Farage, the official spokesman for the terminally thick, has been unceremoniously kicked off the commercial radio station LBC, he will no doubt be able to…
Sausage Life
The column which, until yesterday, had a statue of Lord Nelson on top READER: Well what do you expect? Everyone knows that Horatio Nelson was an unlicensed chicken breeder who…
Sausage Life
The column that believes impatience is rewarding. READER: Wow, I hear you won the lottery, how much?MYSELF: I’d rather not say. I ticked the “no publicity” box, so only The…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
BLIND MAN’S BLUFF Let’s not beat about the bush. Dominic Cummings is a dangerous threat to parliamentary democracy, not to mention innocent motorists. This is a man who is apparently…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
CARELESS TALK COSTS LIVES That Dominic Cummings’ in-competent self-serving ad-ministration is in ideological turmoil is now clear. Behind the thin veneer of sobriety, they and their financiers were too busy…
Sausage Life!
The column that isn’t afraid to go shopping in pyjamas READER: I want to be the new slogan : You? What makes you think you would qualify?READER: Come on, it…
Sausage Life
The column which sings “People, people who say ‘sheeple’, are the sheepiest people in the world”. READER: I stopped washing my : Why so?READER: Hair dryers. David Icke says they…
Politikal Pokes By Lobbytroll
ANY OLD IRONY He doesn’t drink alcohol because it clouds his brain. His only known vices are Big Macs, long ties, Fox News, the acquisition of money rather than wealth,…
Greg’s Pandemic Plathcast
Iconic poetry for all in times of lockdown People in Hastings and St Leonards are doing all sorts of things to keep occupied… one of the strangest, perhaps, is Greg’s…
Sausage Life
The column that will explode in thirty seconds, twenty-nine, twenty-eight…. I’m only speaking to people via Zoom now. It’s brilliant, have you tried it? READER: Can you hear me?MYSELF: I…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
AS IF WE WEREN’T CONFUSED ENOUGH After the Spanish civil war, the British government took urgent action, aware that the aerial bombing of civilians was highly likely to occur should…
Sausage Life
Bird Guano The column which believes that ignorance is the only remedy for education READER: I see Sir James Dyson the famous inventor has been given a contract to make…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
CORONA – LATEST GOVERNMENT ADVICE Sombre military music. A man with strange hair enters a badly-lit studio and in a low monotone, recites these words from an autocue: Things are…
Sausage Life
The column which believes that humanity is at the axis of its palindromic noon, vertical, yet horizontal. READER: I’m bored with self-isolation : I’m not surprised. You’re just going to…
Sausage Life
The column which believes that hugs and squeezes spread diseases MYSELF: A-tishooo!READER: Stay where you are! I’m a police officer! Just put the gun down and hold your hands out…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
Trying to keep down appearances A PLAGUE OF LOCUMSArmies of retired GPs are to be marshalled in order to cope with Covid-19. Dubbed Dad’s Doctors their efficacy has been thrown into…
Sausage Life
The column in which terms apply, but not : What’s up? You look as though you’ve swallowed a : I’ve been listening to commercial radio. I’m going to track down…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
BIG BROTHER ISN’T WATCHING YOU According to Hugh Sullivan’s report (HIP, issue 145), the council’s building control officers decreed that certain infringing installations, equipment and signage were to be removed…
Sausage Life!
The column which beats as it sweeps as it cleans GLOBAL WARNING?The continent of Australia, already devastated by unprecedented bush fires, is now apparently on the brink of running out…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
‘OL BLUE EYES IS BACK I thank The Albion’s Bob Tipler who passed on this absolute gem of a music agency press release, which manages to paint a tantalising picture of…
Sausage Life
The column which mumbles incoherently in order to get away with murder. READER: I know we agreed never to discuss religious matters on here…MYSELF: Or : …but as a recovering…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
THE DEATH OF POLITICSHow the voice-over men took over talk radio. I LOVE THE BBC BUT… It appears they have decided that consumers can be easily slotted into one of…
Sausage Life
The column which throws stones even though it lives in a glass house READER: Happy New Year!MYSELF: For whom?READER: What’s up now, Dr. Doom?MYSELF: Er…the election result?READER: Oh the election!…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
THE WAGERS OF SIN Following the scandalous brouhaha surrounding the greedy Football Association’s FA cup tie arrangement with the online casino of a high street betting shop chain (where live…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
FORGERY Boris Johnson is determined to “forge a new Britain”, once we Get Brexit Done, a phrase so stupid it defies satire. Brexit will not ‘get done’, because Brexit is…
Sausage Life
The column which believes that marzipan is from Mars and vermicelli is from Venus MYSELF: Blimey, have you seen the pier lately? It’s turning into a : Are you referring…
Sausage Life!
The column that puts its brolly up even though it isn’t raining READER: I see Boris is finally getting his point across at : In what way exactly is the…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
MORONITYThe Trump brand is so toxic in the UK that even stupid people have stopped liking him, but in the US, certain sectors of the TV-reared population lap it all…
Sausage Life!
The column which reserves the right to record your calls for training porpoises READER: Whoops! Bit of a typo there!MYSELF: What do you mean?READER: Up there, under your name. Porpoises.…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU SQUIRMSajid Javid, owner of the most insincere face outside of Boris Johnson’s, is, it seems, quite prepared to say absolutely anything in order to be…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
BACKSTOP FRONTSTOP THREE BAGS FULL OF CASH Reading between the lines of Johnson’s latest rambling bag of nonsense, it looks to Lobbytroll like the DUP are in for another massive…
Sausage Life
The column that self inflates, but is difficult to get back in the bag MYSELF: What are you doing up there?READER: I’m conducting an : Well seeing as you’re on…
Politikal Pokes by lobbytroll
BONKERS BORIS AND THE HMS BOUNTY What on earth are we to do about the Prime Minister now he’s gone Captain Bligh and the crew of The Bounty are on…
Sausage Life
The column that thinks Fifty Shades of Grey is what dogs see when they are trying to choose paint in Farrow & Ball READER: What sign are you?MYSELF: I’m a…