HIP REVIEW: Lovebroken, a memoir
By Finley de Witt
Troubador Publishing Paperback, 336 pages, £12.99
REVIEW BY FRAN ELLERY
Lovebroken is a memoir by Hastings writer and trauma specialist, Finley de Witt (“For anyone who’s ever struggled with their mental health…”)
It’s been a long time since I was so engrossed in a book that I sat down and read it cover to cover at one sitting. But that’s what happened when I picked up Finley de Witt’s pacey, funny, moving and (though much of it resonated) shocking memoir. Lovebroken takes us on an eventful journey from Finley’s traumatic childhood in West Yorkshire to finally finding truth and peace in ‘Tastings’ (a thinly disguised Hastings).
Finley was born in West Yorkshire to Peggy, a narcissist who had “an insatiable need to be always right”, was neglectful and downright cruel. The book captures in graphic detail the experience(s) of being a bright child in a stultifyingly dull and terrifying world. Chad (both parents are called by their first name) was a charming but mostly absent father and (as we later learn) an abuser. “In the womb I’d been relatively safe; out of it, I was at my parents’ mercy.”
CONTROLLING LOVERS, RISKY SEX AND INEPT THERAPISTS
When Finley’s teacher tells them they’re bright enough to go to university, Peggy says they’re “not clever enough for that” and enrols Finley instead in secretarial college. That doesn’t last long. Through their own spirit of survival and rebelliousness, Finley is soon on their way to Oxford university, where they’re confronted with both beauty and snobbery, and where they meet upper-class Dan and Marianne – who become their first real lovers and long-term friends.
Lovebroken goes on to take us on a hilarious roller-coaster ride from love and learning (despite all their mother’s put-downs, Finley graduates with a first) at Oxford to wild (and not always liberating) lesbian love and feminism in London. Each episode of Finley’s life – which includes a couple of breakdowns and psychotic episodes – is described in colourful detail, as are the people they meet. From the descriptions of their various homes to those of loyal friends, controlling lovers, risky sex and (mostly inept) therapists, what shines through, over and above the fear and despair, is Finley’s bravery and sheer determination. Their numerous attempts to get help expose the devastating effects of traditional, ill-informed approaches to mental health: “To realise that mental illness is a protector from unendurable pain, not a pathology, is too radical for most, too countercultural.”
A QUIVER OF HAPPINESS
Only when Finley makes the move to Tastings with the love of their life, Dahl, and discovers the Internal Family Systems work of Richard Schwartz and a sensitive, trauma-trained therapist, are they able to confront a buried childhood atrocity that’s been haunting them all their life. “I’d lived with a kind of amnesia and coming round was appalling, agonising and potent. I’d never felt so gutted and I’d never felt so real.” In facing up to the truth, Finley has a harrowing decision to make about their parents, who, in their eighties, at last begin to feel more benign.
I wouldn’t say that Lovebroken is a ‘cosy’ read. But it’s deeply moving, especially for someone who’s had some similar experiences. Its honesty, gutsy-ness and the sheer quality of the writing are a breath of fresh air. Against all the odds, Finley makes it through to “a quiver of happiness”. Along with them, we can only hope it lasts.
Finley will be signing copies at the Observer Building on Saturday 14 September as part of Hastings Book Festival. Lovebroken is also available at The Hastings Bookshop and Hare & Hawthorn.
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