Seeing Stars with Kenny Dickering
Your Horrorscope for February
Aries March 21–April 19
You’ll lock horns with someone in February, Aries. Speaking of which, I nearly came to blows with Freddy Bunion the other day. His usual salon was shut so I suggested Herr Kutz in Silverhill. But Freddy shrieked that no one touches him outside the Delphinium. Fair enough, but he didn’t have to get shirty about it.
Taurus April 20–May 20
Now Taurus. I know you like nothing more than six hours in the bath followed by a deep tissue massage. But there’s a place for that kind of thing and it’s called Bexhill. Indulge yourself by all means. Just try to keep it civilised.
Gemini May 21–June 21
Our Gladys is a Gemini. I said, “Look in the mirror, Gladys. How many faces can you see? Exactly!” Anyway, try to be open to romance this month, Gemini. If you play nicely with others, you won’t have to keep playing with yourself.
Cancer June 22–July 22
I feel that a sideways move is on the cards this month, Cancer. This could be work-wise or leisure-wise. Whatever, trust your intuition, especially if you fancy taking a dip round here. Too many spills and thrills for my liking, but each to his own!
Leo July 23–August 22
Leo, Leo, you’re such a drama queen. No wonder this is Freddy’s sign. As I constantly remind him, “It’s not all about you!” But that’s Freddy. Some people just have to be the centre of their own universe. You know the sort, I’m sure.
Virgo August 23–September 22
You’re a perfectionist, Virgo, and very logical too. And much as I hate to go on about my own problems, I’ve just had my Camellia butchered. There was nothing logical about that, I can tell you! I only wanted a quick trim.
Libra September 23–October 23
You’ll need to bring your sense of balance and equilibrium to matters of the heart this month, Libra. Or as I say to Gladys when she’s having a wobble, “It’s time for tea and a finger.” She’s devoted to Mr Kipling, you know.
Scorpio October 24–November 21
You’re often misunderstood, Scorpio. I get it. I mean, look at me. I’m the life and soul but I take great pleasure in my own company. You’ll often find me tossing something off in the kitchen after a quick rummage down the pantry. It’s bliss.
Sagittarius November 22–December 21
You’ll feel the urge to go on a new adventure this month, Sagittarius. Mother was a great traveller and she loved Spain. In fact, just last week, I walked into the front parlour and there she was, cradling her maracas. She doesn’t get out much these days.
Capricorn December 22–January 19
Love could be on the rocks this month, Capricorn. But guess what? Get over yourself. There was a time when Mother couldn’t look at a vegetable without wanting to humiliate it. But that’s all behind her now.
Aquarius January 20–February 18
You’ll find yourself close to the beach this month, Aquarius. Look around, you’re on the south coast. So, pot, kettle, black? Am I right? Just ask yourself, is that sea spray in your eyes, or bitter tears of regret?
Pisces February 19–March 20
This month you may feel like a fish out of water, Pisces. And that doesn’t surprise me. With Mars still retrograde in Uranus, you’re not exactly in your comfort zone. But hey ho. You win some, you lose some.
We hope you have enjoyed reading this article. The future of our volunteer led, non-profit publication would be far more secure with the aid of a small donation. You can also support local journalism by becoming a friend of HIP. It only takes a minute and we would be very grateful.
Leave a Reply