I’m so green, I married a lawnmower
Here in the land of food we are celebrating greenness. Food that is so green, you can feel the envy ooze out of it and corrupt your innocent satisfied mind, turning you into wild vegetable jealousy, that seeing your partner with a courgette puts you on speed dial to a private detective.( Maybe that was a bit excessive. Looking back, he just wanted her to try his French beans, how was I to know it wasn’t a euphemism, just a combined culinary interest in foods that contain Vitamin B and Copper?)
There’s nothing like the appearance of green to yank us out of our beige jackets. Even those that bathe in beige, are tempted by the guiles of the green, little cutey pie peas winking at us across the fish and chips or the French Mademoiselle green beans, giving us a wink over the bouillabaisse and pomme frites. “Oooo! You naughty little green ting wiz your green funny wayz.” or some such nonsense.
I’m going to tell you about green food that will blow your mind. Well, maybe not completely blow it, maybe breathe on it with a little more integrity. I have, as always, spent thousands of hours researching to find you, my beloved, a few paragraphs about green food that is probably and could be, more than a list.
How can one not fall into the luxury of reminiscence that is the wonderful Prunella Scales in Fawlty Towers. The only character that bypasses irritation and deals with it in sardonic glory. Like the herb itself, it avoids inflammatory situations and moves us calmly into anti-oxidant zen but don’t heat it up too much or it will become bitter and maybe divorce you.
The soybeans enjoyed by the Japanese but fast becoming the superfood we get bored of listening to our lovely healthy friends about. I though find them delicious., especially when dressed in a sesame gown with soy sauce. Salty, crunchy and borderline nutty, they are your cool friend you wished you disliked but can’t say anything
bad about. They harbour proteins that enrich a veggie and vegan diet, so we don’t have to kill our furry friends or the feathery ones or the silly shivery ones that are annoying, like chihuahuas.
A disservice has begrudged the green bell pepper for many a year, I think it’s the king of the peppers, red and yellow fighting between themselves and gaining glory where it is undeserved. Like the prodigal son, here’s a pizza, why not roast yourself and go in a soup, or just be you and toss around in a salad after being braised. The green pepper, a long hard working member of the family, brilliant raw, brilliant cooked and maybe a bit singed, a forefront member of the pizza topping but only to find itself compromised. Well stop it, it’s the most delicious of them all and the healthiest, full of vitamin C, beta-carotene (VA), folate and Vitamin K, (the vitamin no-one knows anything about other than it’s good to put in a baby’s foot).
Here it is again, the sheep in wolves’ clothing, yes, heavy nodding, I meant it that way round. I imagine animals in the wild scuffling around and finding this thing amongst the low level scrub, thinking either this is something that has passed through a bowel or something some animal has lost and will no longer father a child. But, like the wardrobe in Narnia, who knew what garden of Eden lay inside. Yes! A pocket rocket of 230 per cent of the recommended daily allowance of vitamin C plus more potassium than a banana and a blob (yes a blob) of vitamin E. It’s hard to enjoy it unless you enjoy it, like Judo or paragliding.
Asparagus is a bit embarrassing. You tell someone you are cooking asparagus and they think you are up to something. “I’m making him asparagus.” “Oh are you?”. Well, that’s enough, you dirty minded populous. Asparagus promotes healthy gut bacteria, yes it does, YES IT DOES, and this is the source of life, the key to a healthy immune system and the reproduction of the millions of healthy bacteria that symbiotically breed on you, to sustain the ecosystem that has been given to you on your own body, your gut micro-biota, yes that. Plus asparagus is a an aphrodisiac, alright already and makes your pee smell weird. OK, alright.
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