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Satire

Sausage Life

Bird Guano The column which believes there is only a fine line between mumbo and jumbo READER: I can’t take much more of thisMYSELF: More of what? The heat? The lockdown? The government?READER: War and Peace. It’s so bloody long!…
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Satire

Sausage life

The column which thinks that Kanye West is to music what Donald Trump is to truth MYSELF: Don’t you find it immensely depressing that we are surrounded by people staring at their phones instead of talking, smiling and interacting with…
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Satire

Sausage Life

Bird Guano  The column which believes that reshuffling a sack of rattlesnakes makes little difference to your chances of being bitten. MYSELF: Did you see that big Chinook military helicopter flying over yesterday like a wounded dragonfly?READER: Yes! It was…
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Satire

Sausage Life

The column that believes impatience is rewarding. READER: Wow, I hear you won the lottery, how much?MYSELF: I’d rather not say. I ticked the “no publicity” box, so only The Mail, The Sun, The Daily Sport, and Hello magazine know…
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Satire

Sausage Life

The column which believes that hugs and squeezes spread diseases MYSELF: A-tishooo!READER: Stay where you are! I’m a police officer! Just put the gun down and hold your hands out where I can see them!MYSELF:  Aren’t you overreacting? I only…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column in which terms apply, but not : What’s up? You look as though you’ve swallowed a : I’ve been listening to commercial radio. I’m going to track down and throttle the next actor I hear talking like they’ve…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column that went to Glastonbury in a brand-new Mercedes with a four storey air-conditioned yurt READER: So, you’re back from Glastonbury. How was it?MYSELF: Underwhelming. So much miming. Can’t people play anymore?READER: Miming?MYSELF: Yes, and I’m not talking about…
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Features

Sausage Life

Bird GuanoThe column that resembles one of the holy saints dressed as a wolf in sheep’s clothing READER: Who impressed you the most then?MYSELF: Mohammed Ali, The Beatles, Martin Luther King……READER: No, I’m talking about the Tory leadership : Impressed…
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