Tightrope Artist Amber – Really Ruddy Amazing
By Kent ‘the circus’ Barker
Roll up, roll up, see the blue clowns running around in ever decreasing circles. Watch in awe as the trapeze artists launch themselves into thin air with no idea if anyone’s there to catch them. Be very afraid as the lion tamer fails to control Mogg and his fellow beasts. Yes, the infamous Maynot-B2-Smart’s circus is in town.
Without a doubt, the most singular act in this Big Top is the daring … the extraordinary …. the audacious …. THE tightrope walker known to all as Amazing Amber. Her ascent to the high wire has been meteoric. She’s always been chummy with the Boss – even standing in for her at election debates. She climbed higher and higher, finally arriving at the Home Office. Verily she seemed on top of her game … before the Windrushed through and she came crashing down. (Apparently she’d known all along about those pesky targets for removing migrants).
Never daunted, she was soon climbing back up the greasy pole … off to Work (and Pensions) … and soon, just as Maynot-B2-Smart seemed to be imploding, Amazing Amber was being tipped to take over the whole bloody circus.
But … whooa, watch out … a little stumble! Had she gone too far … suggesting the paying public should have another say? Apostasy. And now a further dreadful slip. This time surely she must be falling to her doom? Breaking collective cabinet responsibility, arguing for a delay in the Big B. Nothing can save her now, can it? The Boss will be apoplectic at the Amazing One for opposing her. So we watch in awe and trepidation as she tumbles to certain political death.
Wait … not so fast … what’s this? A safety net has suddenly appeared. And not just any old safety net. This one is held by Maynot-B2-Smart herself, as she does an abrupt U-turn and adopts Amber’s very own policy. There WILL be a time extension rather than a No Deal Big-B.
So the circus moves on. I hear it’s heading for Hastings. But will the Amazing Amber be able to stay on the tightrope there? There’s a hostile element in the crowd. Wet fish are being thrown. Everyone knows she really wants to remain. But Hastings was all about leaving in 2016 and the ideologues are more determined than ever. Will they now leave Amber out in the cold? Can she survive the ire of the polls whenever they next take place? Can she remain straddling the tightrope? Can she do anything to end this appallingly extended metaphor? Just watch this space.
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