Tales from the Site Canteen (2)
By Paul Tublord

Lester Smith is 69. He’s bald, aged and has a crooked neck. He commands respect just by his presence and demeanour. He attentively cleans his own personal plate and cutlery. He eats alone and is a man of seldom words. I imagine he presses flowers and is fond of cats but also quite capable of killing you with his bare hands.

Man Bun is arguing with one of the skinny legged tattooed crew about footballers. He fucking hates footballers. They are all pussies. Man Bun says they deserve the money they earn. Skinny Legs says the best thing about football was when that stadium collapsed and all those fans died. 

Trainset Guy is reading a pamphlet about praying on site. Polish Pinocchio is eating a cucumber.

Colonel Mustard is in his late fifties. He is employed as a labourer. He’s a humble man. He cleans toilets and keeps the site clean. I am sure this isn’t his first choice of jobs and he looks like he should be wearing a tweed suit and a monocle and solving murders somewhere in Dorset. 

Third Oasis is immersed in his Daily Star crossword. Peter Sutcliff Lookalike needs to be kept away from hammers. The bully sits alone. He looks surprisingly like Nelson from the Simpsons. Mouth Breather has half the contents of his sandwiches around his mouth. Burly Ginger Brickie is eating a ‘Refreshers’ lollipop. My bacon sandwich is ready. The site cat sits next to the snack van awaiting the kind builders who will give him tidbits of bacon.

Read part one here


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