According to Hugh Sullivan’s report (HIP, issue 145), the council’s building control officers decreed that certain infringing installations, equipment and signage were to be removed from Hastings pier by 3rd February 2020. These installations included one sign claiming that the pier was being overseen by security firm Titanium Security Solutions, an outfit so efficient that they failed to prevent, or even notify, any of the security breaches, vandalism, drug-taking etc, etc, alleged to have occurred since the current pier management took over in June 2018. 

This sad, sorry saga appears set to drag on and on until the award-winning structure gives up and falls into the channel. Every time its owner Abid Gulzar is hauled up and challenged about its current state, he simply falls back on his tried and trusted tactic of obfuscation, a tactic which Lobbytroll has experienced both face-to-face and in the public gallery at Hastings Magistrates Court (where at least the magistrate insisted that he “get on with it”). Let me explain. Mr Gulzar’s well-documented method consists of a rote-learned litany from which he selects, at random, a number of irrelevant events which he thinks might deter the interlocutor from asking further ‘inconvenient’ questions – much like Boris Johnson’s ‘Dead Cat’ strategy. Readers unfamiliar with Mr Gulzar’s surreal way of avoiding interrogation may be enlightened by an article from Hastings In Focus, 15th March, 2019, and its link to the accompanying video of his disgracefully uninterrupted performance at the 6th March 2019 planning committee meeting where it took place. Just Google this:

It should be noted that “Lord” Brett McLean, Mr. Gulzar’s ‘PR representative’ did not attend that planning committee meeting, but lest we forget, the popular peer is also a busy wedding and funeral photographer, a qualified crime scene investigator, a painter of fibreglass animal gonads and for all I know, a military test pilot for British Aerospace. How he finds time to sit in the House of Lords and represent Mr Gulzar’s interests is entirely beyond me. 


The ridiculous spectacle of the super-bowl is over for another year, so we can all get back to pronouncing and spelling offence and defence properly. In the meantime, Prime Minister Dominic Cummings is treating us to a spectacle no less ridiculous – a government so consumed with hubris, it believes it can get away with anything (see dead cats above). All titular PM ‘Spaffer’ Johnson has to do is stay out of town, relax and avoid speaking to anyone, yet he cannot resist thetemptation to titillate us with preposterous fisherman’s tales. His proposed giant bridge connecting Scotland and Ulster (via Beaufort’s Dyke, a 22-mile submerged ditch containing 1,000,000 tonnes of dumped, unexploded WW2 munitions), will require support towers of a height never constructed before. Where lesser men might hesitate, to Johnson, the Capability Brown of bridges, a white elephant is as good as a dead cat. Dirt cheap too, compared to the £40million he spaffed up the wall as mayor of London, trying to (what was he thinking?) bridge The Thames. 

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