‘OL BLUE EYES IS BACK 
I thank The Albion’s Bob Tipler who passed on this absolute gem of a music agency press release, which manages to paint a tantalising picture of an artiste, whilst avoiding all the rules of grammar, syntax and good taste. Who could resist the promise of an evening with this musical enigma? “BOBBY WEST meticulously pieces together tracks to paint an authentic depiction of his world. A dark gritty world of which he ruthlessly laments, yet like a man in the gutter reaching for the stars, Bobby gilds the edges of his world to create something beautiful. His lens is tinted with a sun-drenched glow at stark contrast to his surroundings. A sweet juxtaposition that echoes in his music as he sings of terrible things in beautiful melodies, like a council estate Sinatra his golden voice self-deprecates in alluring harmony.” I for one will be cancelling all engagements when Bobby hits town.


MOVING LIPS
Cash prizes for anyone who can tell me what this is supposed to mean. It came out of the sneering gob of our tough-on-the-of-causes-of-happiness Home Secretary Priti Patel: “I’m delighted that there have already been more than three million applications to the hugely successful EU Settlement Scheme. It’s the biggest scheme of its kind in British history and means that EU citizens can evidence their rights for decades to come”. Well I’ve applied, have you?


IT WASN’T US, IT WAS BIGGER BOYS
The ludicrous mouthpieces of the ‘successful hotelier’ (see Companies House) Mr. Abid Gulzar are still bleating away, blaming the abysmal state of the pier on mysterious dark forces who conspire to scupper their efforts to make the award-winning edifice a jewel in the community crown. It’s all diversionary fiction of course, very Trumpian both in its style and its total lack of substance. The architecturally significant but rarely open shed showroom, is beginning to morph into a trailer park. Padlocked gates and barbed wire send out an uncompromising message to anyone foolhardy enough to want to enter. Despite all their protesteth-too-much hand-wringing, the pier’s ‘management’ has yet to explain the total lack of evidence to support their ridiculous assertions about break-ins, vandalism and the latest accusation – drug injecting – despite a plethora of CCTV cameras and a couple of huge warning signs clamped on the front gates claiming that a security firm is keeping an eye on things (try ringing the number on it and making enquiries!). Piffle, fantasy, stuff & nonsense? Certainly, but mostly just a toxic combination of ineptitude on a colossal scale and a mysterious agenda that even ace crime scene investigator ‘Screaming’ Lord Brett is quite unable to get to the bottom of.


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