MORONITY
The Trump brand is so toxic in the UK that even stupid people have stopped liking him, but in the US, certain sectors of the TV-reared population lap it all up. Former head of Isis, Abu Bakhur, evaded capture by US forces recently by allegedly blowing himself up. Naturally the big white chief felt it was absolutely necessary to crow, gloat and generally appease the blood lust of his thuggish constituency: “He died after running into a dead-end tunnel, whimpering and crying and screaming all the way…. He died in a vicious and violent way, as a coward, running and crying …. I got to watch much of it… it was as though you were watching a movie” he said.

Deceased CIA agents are thought to be trying to track Bakhur down in heaven, but early intelligence reports suggest that he may be hiding in Limbo, along with Brexit.


SCRAPING THE SCIENCE BARREL
Craig Morley, who is standing for the Conservative party in the marginal seat of Reading East, is firmly of the opinion that climate change is fake news spread by dissident scientists, no doubt affiliated to Jeremy Corbyn’s Marxist-Leninist-Machiavellian agenda. Climate change, he asserts, is nothing but “a socialist Trojan horse for delivering failed socialist economic policies through using the emotive lexicon of emergency, disaster, and doom-mongering.” Lobbytroll does not normally include pictures within its text, but I mean, look at that face!

He looks as though he was savaged by a flock of angry sheep as a lad, and never really got over it. Like colleague Duncan Smith’s painfully disturbing visage, it is a powerful emetic. It occurred to Lobbytroll that perhaps he is one of the Barrel People, like in that film Revenge of the Barrel People. You know the one, where a group of teenagers decide to investigate a barrel which has mysteriously appeared in the dark cellar of an old abandoned mansion, previously the scene of several gruesome unsolved murders. They get to the bottom of it in the end but pay the ultimate price. 

A barrel of unintended laughs – The Guardian. 
The must-see film of 2019 – The Daily Spaff.


GRENFELL: TORY BARREL BOTTOM LOWERED EVEN FURTHER
Jacob Reese-Mogg’s bid to become the vilest snake in the slithering Tory nest looks like succeeding, despite the intense competition. The man with the moral compass of an insurance salesman has finally shown his hand: 5 aces. As well as his sound advice to the fire-trapped (ignore the emergency service’s advice and run for your life), he has also dispensed vital information to frequent flyers whom, he says, were they to possess the simple common sense with which all public schoolboys are imbued, would surely carry small portable parachutes in their vulgar, unmatched hand-luggage, should a mid-air malfunction occur on the way to Torremolinos or wherever it is they spend their ghastly “holidays.” 

In the light of recent research findings, I have no reservations about republishing this Politikal Poke from 2016


PASSIVE VAPISTS 
Resembling a tribe of zombie asthmatics, nebulizers jammed in their faces like baby soothers, the E-Cigarette Brigade are taking over. It’s like the age of steam all over again. Now, almost everywhere, you can passively inhale the vast cumulous clouds belching out of vaper’s faces, happy in the knowledge that you may find out you have been irreversibly, passively poisoned just a few years hence. Vape on!


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