BONKERS BORIS AND THE HMS BOUNTY

What on earth are we to do about the Prime Minister now he’s gone Captain Bligh and the crew of The Bounty are on the verge of mutiny? It’s all very well banging him up in the hold, but who do we replace him with? What about Cousin Charlie, the Johnson we don’t mention? I say it’s time to break him out of Great Aunt Lulu’s attic where he’s been kept all these years, put some trousers on him and stick him on the front bench next to Rees-Mogg. Just tell him to keep his mouth shut and don’t dribble. No-one will notice, and you never know, he might  just prevent The Mogster from dozing off.


WHAT A WASTE

Biffa, who have taken over Hastings’ waste, recycling, street and beach cleaning after Kier had their contract terminated after ‘a series of problems’, have just been fined £350,000 by The Environment Agency after a three week trial. The company were found to have deliberately passed off 10,855 tonnes of waste to the South China Coast in 2015, as ‘waste paper fit for recycling’, claiming they contained 98.5% waste paper, perfectly legal for export to China. In fact, the bales contained a hair-curling litany of items including sanitary towels, nappies, wet wipes, underwear and bags of dog excrement. They claimed that China had never complained, which was dismissed by the judge as “not, in my judgement, the point,” Biffa must pay costs of £240,000 plus a confiscation order of £9,912. They are planning to appeal the judgement. In another similar case, the company pleaded not guilty to the charges made in relation to shipments of recycled paper to Indonesia and India between October 2018 and February 2019. They commented: “We will strongly contest this case and believe the prosecution’s statement contains factual inaccuracies.” 

Of course, the delicious irony is compounded when you consider what happens if you or I try and pass off a pink bag for a black bag on collection day!


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