THE BIG FIGHT
The ghastly stiffs engaged in the tory leadership contest have gradually been eliminated. Now only slab of lard Boris Johnson and pale glass of mineral water Jeremy Hunt (is he half full or half empty?) remain. Most disturbing of all, this means the Fat One is most likely to be put in charge of steering the leaky tub HMS Great Britain as it steams towards the Brexitberg.  Whilst the ‘debates’ revealed precisely nothing about the contestants’ suitability to be PM, we now know that every one of them had a great grandfather who was a black muslim immigrant woman who arrived here with only a pound in their pockets and the clothes they stood up in; but by dint of sheer hard work, pulled themselves up by their bootstraps to become well-educated successful pillars of society. 


IGNORANCE SHARED IS IGNORANCE’S GAIN
BBC TV’s Question Time – what’s it all about? Utilising their 3-minute attention spans, the audience of obedient goldfish put in their bland questions, then gobble up the morsels of made-up answers fed to them by the panel of grim politicians and mediocre comedians, who lie, confident they will receive little interrogation. But in the brave new 1984 world of Westminster, where war is peace, freedom is slavery and ignorance is strength, they’re grateful for it; because after three years of relentless Brexit, they are now “really into” politics, a subject formerly considered as relevant as ancient Greek.  


GASTRO PIER MENU
To all the people concerned at the lack of a vegetarian choice of panini on the pier. The solution, according to spokesman Bert Lord, is ‘being worked on’. I suggest they try, as a stop-gap, this quick and easy recipe for a meat-free panini I found online.

1. Take a ham and cheese panini and carefully disassemble
2. Remove the ham, leaving only the cheese.
3. Reassemble the panini.
4. Rename the panini “cheese panini”
Another method is to simply leave out any meat products from the panini during the initial assembly stage.
Source: www.veggypaninisforthefeebleminded.con


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