I’M A POLITICIAN, VOTE ME OUT OF HERE
Following the announcement  from Nissan that they are pulling out of their agreement to produce the X Trail car at their Sunderland factory, batty Eurosceptic MP John Redwood has come up with a plan. He proposes that all cities that returned a leave majority in the EU referendum be given full independence from the UK, with proper hard-as-nails borders and severe curbs on immigration. His one exception is for Sunderland, which he suggests should be surrounded by a large impenetrable wall.


BUSINESS IS BUSINESS
The execution of 37 people by chopping off their heads in public, and nailing the body of one of them to a post afterwards, has done little to dampen the enthusiasm of the British Government for the delightful family-run firm of Saudi Arabia. Arms trade fairs in the UK are well attended by authoritarian regimes, and are the perfect place to catch up with the latest monstrously cruel methods of  slaughtering human beings, courtesy of the research and development departments of our arms manufacturers. Isn’t it heartening to see what a bunch of ghastly, oppressive, murdering sociopaths can achieve with a bottomless pit of unearned cash? 


PIER VANDALISM-SHOCK LIST PUBLISHED
And here it is: the disgusting health hazard of concrete-hard caked-on seagull shit, the cheap job lot of life-size fibreglass animals, the red child-scaring aliens in the restaurant, the hideous and thoughtlessly-placed ice cream shed, the proposed “log cabins” which are not made of logs, and the shockingly badly designed poster advertising the “grand opening” (who could have knocked that up I wonder?). As for the mystery of the missing life-size horse statue, stolen under the noses of a host of CCTV cameras and the watchful eye of Titanium Security Solutions, Lobbytroll reckons it must have been the same master criminal who managed to throw a 50 kilo safe over the side of the pier without being spotted.


FLEABUGGED
Why does everyone go gaga when someone ‘breaks the fourth wall’? My disbelief was not suspended by Fleabag, Pheobe Waller-Bridges’ brave new world of middle class sexual angst. Who’s was? Neither funny nor clever, the execrable Mrs Brown’s Boys is another example of this
cheap dramatic hoodwinking – entirely replacing funny with knowing, self-conscious pretence. “Fourth wall” breaking is easy, lazy, and in the case of Fleabag, not nearly as clever as it thinks. It’s amazing how a bit of tosh like this can gather momentum and snowball into something that it’s JUST NOT COOL to dislike. Well I guess Lobbytroll is just not cool.


FARAGE, AN APOLOGY: 
In our last issue we stated that Nigel Farage had been hired by Fox News as a political antichrist. This should of course have read political analyst.


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