SECRETARY OF STATE FOR WORKHOUSE AND PENSIONS
Has our cling-on MP Amber Rudd no sense of shame? This Dickensian government appears determined to inflict its Oliver Twist values on a society already reeling from the sucker punch of austerity, but to crow, as she did in her 29th October press release, about the laying on of free transport to food banks for the “approved poor” as though it were a giant social leap forward, is really just going too far. On top of that, she appears to have been hoodwinked by Mr. Gulzar’s garden shed-building policy on the pier, which according to her is going from “strength to strength”, and will be “open before Christmas”. What we would like to get to the bottom of Ms. Rudd is this: WHY WAS IT CLOSED in the first place?

OH YES HE DID!
Poor deluded pretend-peer Brett McLean is currently Trumping up the Twittersphere with his devastating Wildean wit. A stranger to the rules of grammar and syntax, the exclamation mark enthusiast has released this tweet, in response to mentions of Abid Gulzar’s description of some of his pier staff as “dead wood”: “Wow! Really? I don’t think so! No way he would have said that! And besides we know how much
rubbish and false misinterpretated (sic) rubbish is published in some media don’t we?”

We couldn’t agree more!! False rubbish is bad enough on its own, without being misinterpretated! (sic!!!). So, for the record here is the original quote, transcribed from the recorded Gulzar interview which appeared in HIP 106, with a little context: “…since taking over, he had dealt with staff resignations but had now filled all vacant positions. He now hopes to improve efficiency by introducing a clock-in system for employees. “I said thank God, the dead wood must go, and the dead wood is going and this boat is going to sail.”

BLINDING US WITH THE SCIENCE OF WORDS
LBC radio’s obsessive dedication to patronising what they appear to think is their constituency; ie: wilfully uneducated men in a permanent state of adolescent drunkenness, or shallow women whose horizons hover tantalisingly just in front of their noses, is relentless. The former is normally appealed to by matey voiceover actors desperately trying to replicate the target stupidity factor (carefree semi-consciousness), usually accompanied by ukelele strumming, window cleaner-style whistling, or in the worst case, both. The latter depends on oily condescension, drizzled over the listeners by an obnoxious actress (“have a nice cup of tea and a valium love”) and designed to appeal to deaf old ladies just back from the bingo, or Chardonnay (29), wrestling with one of her dilemmas; a buttock tuck or another tattoo? It’s not just the commercials though. Over on BBC Radio 5Live, Adrian Chiles recently interviewed a man who is raising money by inviting people to guess the weight of his recently amputated leg. Downmarket? Not us!


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