Features

Sausage Life

The column which thinks that averting the eyes is the new staring BRAINWAVEFollowing his innovative scheme for replacing the seeds in raspberry jam with shredded bus tickets, Hastings inventor Gordon Thinktank’s ingenious new idea is to line overcoats with bear…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which thinks that buffoonery is the last refuge of the failed dictator READER: Did you see the Eurovision Song Contest? We came last!MYSELF: No. I was busy watching some drying paint. READER:  You don’t approve, I take : As…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which is both charming and offensive at the same time READER: Goodbye spring, hello summer!MYSELF: Really? Where?READER: Weren’t you out celebrating Jack in the Green?MYSELF: If, by celebrating, you mean sneaking up on Morris Men and stealing the…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which says you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose READER: You should be : About what?READER: Issue 125. Picking on Nigel Farage : You mean the bit…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which believes that in the country of the bland, the one-idea’d man is king READER: Did you see the amazing photo of the black hole?MYSELF:  I saw it. A very good : Oh come on, don’t pretend you’re…
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Features

Sausage Life

The column which believes that what you lack in empathy you can more than make up for with spiteful malice  MYSELF: Why the short face? READER: I’m so excited I can’t wait. I’ve just taken out a subscription to Sky TV’s…
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