The weather is a bit pants, so let’s heat things up in the bedroom, yeah baby, with some vegetables. I’ve been doing a little bit of research into naughty vegetables and I’ve picked a few, for you to get going on. If you know what I mean.

Celery

Hearing the word “celery” may dampen your squib but it contains androsterone and adrostenol which serve as a sexual attractant when ingested. So, if he’s standing in front of you in his Y-fronts, munching on a head of celery, in moments, probably seconds, he’s going to find you irresistible. Lucky old you.

Coriander

Mentioned in Arabian nights as an aphrodisiac, coriander seeds not only spice up your curry but spice up your love life. For best results toast and grind them into your food. Don’t put them anywhere else, it might sting.

Carrots

Carrots contain vitamins that are important in hormone production. It’s obvious, look at those pesky wabbits.

Sea Vegetables / Seaweed

We all know that mermaids are really sexy and they eat loads of seaweed. Sirens are the same, they love sea vegetables. Don’t trust them though, they’re not good in relationships. Japanese culture views seaweeds as an aphrodisiac. They’re very high in vitamins B1 and B2 which aid in the production of sex hormones. They’re also a source of iodine and selenium which speed up your metabolism and lighten your mood. So just good anyway!

Avocado

Of course. The suggestive avocado. The Aztecs called the avocado “Ahuacuati” which translates to “testicle tree”. If that doesn’t make you instantly laugh, you need to eat more carrots and maybe some nutmeg.

Truffles

A little more pricey than the others, the Romans believed in its evocative powers. And what about the French? They invented French kissing after eating truffles and when they had run out of fungus, they invented French dressing and then French knitting. And then we took the mickey out of them by inventing French cricket, which is a really rubbish game for girls.

by Kim Batty